Super Lawyers
William C. Altreuter

Thursday, May 06, 2004

My usual lunch consists of a 3:00 pm Snickers bar, a fact that makes EGA irritable: "The lunch of candy? You have candy for lunch?" Her scorn is almost palpable. Really all I'm looking for is a quick sugar lift to get me though the end of the day: I can't say that I particularly like Snickers bars (although the almond ones, which are basically a Mars Almond Bar, are alright). I don't think of it as food, I think of it as fuel-- if it were food, its overall lack of deliciousness would cause me to reject it out of hand.

The world is not all Belgian chocolate, (which is food), but some candy is indisputably nastier than others. The improbably named Steve Almond has written a book about his candy obsession, "Candyfreak" which sounds pretty funny. In this interview he holds forth on a number of matters confectionery, including this list:

Mistakes Were Made (MWMs)

Twizzlers: not just a horribly artificial flavor, but a texture that falls somewhere between chitin and rain poncho.
Chuckles: a fruit jelly the consistency of cartilage. Explain.
Circus Peanuts: a marshmallow pretending to be a legume. I'm baffled.
White Jellybeans: I defy you to tell me what flavor white is supposed to signify. Pineapple? Coconut? Isopropyl?
White Chocolate: this stuff is, in fact, not chocolate (as it contains no cocoa) but a scourge visited upon us by the inimical forces of Freak Evil.
Lime Lifesavers: The Lifesavers people haven't figured out by now that no one likes this flavor?
(Via Bookslut.)

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