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William C. Altreuter
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Monday, July 15, 2013

So. Back in the 90s the Mets had a pitcher named Kris Benson that they had high hopes for. I don't know why he spelled his name like a girl-- mabe he thought the "K" evoked strikeouts and had a poor grasp of homonyms. Anyway Benson had a smokin' hot wife, Anna Benson. At the time she was described as a former model; it appears that most of her modeling career may have been in bars with poles. Anna also had, in the vernacular, a mouth on her. She once told a reporter in an interview that if Kris cheated on her she would get revenge by having sex with everyone on the team, "including the clubhouse boy." In due course it developed that Kris wasn't' much of a pitcher, and that Anna was kind of a distraction, so the Mets traded him for a bag of balls and he went on to have a thoroughly undistinguished career with the Orioles, the Rangers and the Diamondbacks. Anna, I think, had a brief reality show career. Here's the thing: last week she broke into Kris' house, wearing a bulletproof vest, and threatened him with a gun and a  metal baton. They are, it seems, having a rough divorce. It now emerges that shortly before she was married she was implicated in a homicide-- although the  investigation was subsequently dropped. Now the question: How much more Mets could Kris Benson possibly be? I think the answer has to be, None. None more Mets. I mean, c'mon. She posed for Playboy in an Orioles cap-- why is this a Mets thing? Nobody says, "Former Pirates rookie Kris Benson."

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